more thoughts on bad television

Okay so last night I finally got around to watching the first episode of The Next Food Network Star that we had on DVR (i haven’t yet watched the second, so don’t tell me the outcome if you happen to know it). And because i can’t remember a thing, i had to look up the title to ensure i wrote it down correctly.

So it appears that most of the contestants actually can cook. See, when i’m wrong I say so. I was wrong to assume that they couldn't cook, lumping them in with the majority of the contestants on Hell’s Kitchen. It appears that these folks have handy knife skills after all.

However, what i found most disturbing is exactly how much makeup some of the contestants (and judges) were wearing. And I’m not just talking about the women. Bobby Flay, this means you. Seriously, dude, wipe some of that rouge off. You look like a French tart! HA!! WOOO!

Then there’s another contestant, I believe his name is Thomas, who rivaled good ol’ Booby in the makeup department. His eyebrows were so perfectly waxed and painted in, and his face was so overly powdered that he glowed like the moon, all round and pale. It is quite disturbing to watch his big moon face bob around on the tv screen.

Then there’s the chick who unbuttons her chef coat in such a way to make it look like a suit jacket (that’s just wrong), and her boobs are practically hanging out of her coat. Okay, okay, i exaggerate a bit, but they might as well call her the Princess of Cleaves. She’s totally working the boobelage angle, and if that’s her “thing”, what makes her stand out from the others, i guess it’s working so far in her favor. Not so sure about her food though. She needs to take off most if not all of her big bulky jewelry. Who ever heard of a chef wearing gobs of jewelry? In fact in the kitchens where the boy has worked, the most you’re allowed is a wedding ring and maybe a watch (depending on the Exec).

And my biggest pet peeve of all? Women who don’t pull their hair back when they cook. I love me some Nigella Lawson, but I find myself screaming at the tv when her show is on because her hair is all over the place, in the food, in her mouth, etc. and it drives me UP THE WALL. I’m thinking the Food Network stylists have these contestants keep their hair down, but for OCD people like me it’s almost making me want to change the channel. Almost.

And now, on to Hell’s Kitchen. WHY oh WHY is the big dorky asian cowboy allowed to stay? They’re keeping him around for “show” or whatever. The man can’t debone a fish, for crying out loud; and he “doesn’t feel well” so he naps and rests while the others cook. Yet he is still there. I’d previously mentioned that i’m suspicious he’s a paid actor who will never be kicked off until near the end. If Ramsay keeps this shit up, i might have to stop watching for a while.

Ah, who am i kidding. I’ll still watch the crap.

The new season of Top Chef starts tomorrow night. seeing as i'm studying the inside of my eyelids that late in the evening, i won't watch it until later on Thursday (it comes on at 10 pm, and there is no way in hell that i can watch that then attempt to fall asleep, because This Girl needs her sleep). i love Top Chef as much as everyone else, so come Thursday morning, puleez don't tell me what happens or i will get stabby on you. Seriously. Thank you for your consideration. now back to my coffee... is everyone having as hard a time waking up today as i am? for the life of me, i can't keep my eyes open. someone come over here and kick my hiney. i'm on peachtree street near colony square.... 5th floor...


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