not remotely food related: I didn't get the Memo, so I'm writing one for you


From: The French Tart, Project Manager at New Big Corporate, and avid Nine Inch Nails Fan

To: Those of you who may not have received the previous Memo, and need immediate saving lest you should feel like an outcast

The scene: Nine Inch Nails live show at Gwinnett Arena, Duluth, Georgia, August 13, 2008.

Picture one rather conservative, normal-looking chick (wearing converse low tops makes me conservative, apparently), accompanied by a male friend, a self-described "free spirit" (hippie) whose favorite band is Led Zepplin. The rest of the crowd, not so conservative and normal looking. We stood out like sore thumbs. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

What you can do to change this: Dig in your closet and pull out all those clothes you wore way back in the 90s when you went clubbing. It doesn't matter if you don't fit into them anymore – hell, I saw more loose flesh last night than the last time I went to a strip club.

Possible outfits you could wear, as seen last night:

  • A micro-mini skirt, preferably plaid, school-girl type. Doesn't matter if your buttcheeks are hanging out. Pair this with knee-high studded Doc Marten type boots and either fishnets, ripped fishnets, or Cat in the Hat striped stockings which sag at the top and are held up by black garters. I would venture to guess about 90% of the females in the audience had this uniform on.

  • For the men: vinyl pants. These never go out of style. Especially when worn with a mesh see-through shirt.

  • For the men: previous NIN tour shirts, or Marilyn Manson tour shirts, or Tool tour shirts. Because these show everyone how original you are, and you just had to be That Guy.

  • For the gay men: girls skinny jeans, worn with ripped t-shirt and girls sparkly sandals. Ensure that your posture looks like your back is caving in (e.g. stick your tits out and throw back your shoulders in an exaggerated pose).

  • For all sexes: black sparkly pants seem to be a good basic uniform.

  • For all sexes: drab matte black hair, looking like you just crawled out of bed.

  • For all sexes: black clothing of any kind. Because black is so Goth, you see. And according to a girl I've known for years, Goth is not a Phase one goes through, it's a Lifestyle.

  • For all sexes: really quizzical non-sensical tattoos, of all shapes and sizes. Make sure you choose your outfit to showcase your tattoos, even if that means your gut is hanging out.

I appreciate your cooperation, and look forward to serving you in the future.


French Tart

(As you can tell, the people-watching was Spectacular, with a capital S. And the show was phenomenal).


Popular Posts