detox food

So it’s been a crazy couple of weeks. Camping during Labor Day weekend at Atlanta Motor Speedway was a blast – although the infield has turned into quite the zoo. It’s always been a circus, as you never know what is going to happen. I don’t talk politics on this blog (and I will never talk politics on this blog) but just to prove to you what kind of circus we are dealing with, let me present to you Exhibit A:

We were intrigued, to say the least. Like, What the fuck does that mean? So the boy went over to knock on the door of this guy’s camper, and who should emerge but a slack-jawed yokel with about 4 teeth in the whole entirety of his head. What came out of his mouth is not something I am comfortable with repeating on this blog. I’d like to say that the South has come a long way, but then sometimes you just have to shake your head at the few people left who are like that.

So I did mention we were camping in the infield at Atlanta Motor Speedway, right? Key word: camping.

This is my friend Erica. I made her pose for this just so that I could capture what was going on behind her and cherish this moment forever. These are two female campers in the infield bathroom at AMS. No matter that it was a humid sweatbox in the bathrooms, these chicks were straightening their hair and putting on a full face of makeup come hell or high water! You just never know who you might meet at AMS, possibly catch yerself a future husband, who knows! You gotta be prepared and bring the entire contents of your bathroom! God I love the South.

Erica introduced me to her favorite adult beverage, which she calls Freds. Freds are vodka and Fresca. I became very good friends with Fred on Saturday, probably too good. Picture me in a denim miniskirt and cowboy hat standing atop our friend Ken’s Ford F-150. Not the bed of the truck, atop. I was hooty hooing with the best of them. And then I fell backwards off the truck (what is that, a 5 foot drop?). I remember when it happened, and the only thought that popped into my pea brain was, “Gee, I hope I don’t spill my drink”. I remember the look on a friend’s face as I tipped backwards, and all the people standing on top of the converted school bus camped next to us whose mouths formed Os and eyes got wide. And I fell… and bounced on my ass, and got right back up. Had I been sober, I probably would have tried to break my fall by reaching behind me, therefore breaking my wrist or my arm. However, had I been sober, I wouldn’t have been standing on top of an F-150 in a friggin miniskirt screaming “WOOOOOOOOO!”

I did end up spilling my drink after all.

The rest of Saturday was spent drinking Red Bull while trying to sober up and apologizing to everyone and no one in particular about how sorry I was that I was drunk.

I spent about an hour walking around the pits people-watching. The people-watching in the pits is vastly different than what goes on in the infield. For one, it’s much cleaner and not as dusty as the infield. Secondly, the caliber of women changes dramatically. The pits are full of women wearing ridiculously expensive eyewear all blinged out to hell, and a ton of makeup. The infield is full of women wearing name brand knockoffs, not much in the way of clothing, and a ton of makeup. I didn’t get to see anyone famous there, but it was fun nevertheless.

We ate well (we always do). Steaks, stuffed and grilled jalapenos, smoked pork butt, Cuban burgers, more breakfast than anyone could eat. Billy Ray was handing out cigars, so I smoked one of those. I do love me a good cigar every once in a while.

Last weekend a friend of mine got married. A while back I had volunteered to make her wedding cakes, so I spent the three days before the wedding making 125 cupcakes (in 5 different flavors), the groom’s cake, and another small cake to put on top of the cupcake tree (all while juggling work). The wedding was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous, and everyone was pleased with my work.

But now it’s time to detox. I’ve been overindulging in a bit of everything, plus with all those evenings spent baking, the last thing I wanted to do was cook so we ordered out a lot; pizza, Chinese, whatever. My body started to rebel by feeling sluggish and not cooperating with me. I hate that feeling.

As a reward to myself for a cake job well done, I went and got a professional manicure and pedicure. When they’re done tarting you up, you get ushered to sit at a table that has built in fans under the tabletop for you to place your hands and feet that way the polish dries faster. I kind of hate this part because I am not a particularly patient person when it comes to nail polish drying. i want to get up and go and do something. So I’m sitting there, bored, flipping through a bunch of magazines I would normally never flip through, things like People and Women’s Health, and it was while on the last pages of what I think was Women’s Health that I came across a couple of pages of recipes. They weren’t even written like a normal recipe, just a few lines of text accompanied by a photo. The theme was Summer Recipes, so therefore light fare, and when I ran across this one particular list of ingredients I just knew that this would be the perfect way to start my detox week. i very carefully pulled my iPhone out of my bag so that I could gingerly type notes into it.

This makes an excellent portable lunch. You could dress the seafood in the morning while packing it up if you wanted to, but I kept both the dressing and seafood in separate Lock & Lock containers and dressed it at the last minute. Don’t dump all the dressing in, because you’ll probably only need about half of it; you can always add more but can’t subtract. In these photos I used halibut because it’s what I had on hand at that time, but I’ve since also made it with shrimp and it’s really just as good.

Couple of pinches of 5 spice powder
2 tablespoons soy
1 tablespoon rice wine vinegar
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1 to 2 teaspoons grated ginger
1 clove garlic, minced
½ minced jalapeno or one of those spicy thai chilis
1 to 2 tablespoons minced bell pepper
1 to 2 minced scallions
2 cups cooked lobster, crab, shrimp, or other white fish that could stand up to this kind of dressing (I used halibut, which I’d broiled)
Salt and pepper

Mix all ingredients except seafood together. Add to cooked seafood and toss together.

The magazine suggested serving this on rolls or rice cakes. Personally I think rice cakes suck a bunch of ass, but I bought some for this purpose. And I will say I was totally surprised that plain rice cakes turned out to be the perfect vessel for this. The dressing is already rather strong flavored, so you don’t want something competing with it; and besides if you’re on The Great Detox Plan Which I’m Sure To Give Up On Pretty Soon, rice cakes are the way to go. You can always slather peanut butter on them and call it Snack if you’re not sure what to do with the extra.


jdgower said…
You forgot to name the detox dish. If I were the type to make suggestions (and I am), I'd come up with something cheesy like "Hot Fish Almighty, Crab-a-lab A-Ding Dong, or A Lot To Lob-ster.
Ya know, depending on what the seafood is.
BTW, thanks for the linky love in the sidebar.
french tart said…
hysterical! i love your humor.

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