The Almighty Twinkie


I have never eaten a Twinkie.

I get a lot of grief over this from the boy and various friends. They tell me I’m missing out. I tell them, that’s fine, that’s your opinion; but I don’t want to eat one.

I’ve had Hostess products before.  When I was a wee little tot, my grandmother used to buy me those fruit-filled pies. I remember my mom being agitated about that.

It’s not like we had a super-strict food environment growing up.  When we were back in the States, I ate Smurf Berry Crunch and Lucky Charms, but usually during the time when my dad was home because I may have begged for it. For the record, Smurf Berry Crunch is pretty gross; it turns your milk blue. I was allowed that kind of crap cereal in the house as long as I didn’t eat it every single morning. There were also boxes of Life, Cheerios (the plain, regular kind), and Grape-Nuts.  But we were not allowed soda in the house; it was strictly Verboten. If I wanted a Coke, I could get one with my own allowance, but it was hugely frowned down upon. And guess what? I don’t drink soda now and don’t miss it at all. Water and red wine are my potions, in copious and probably equal amounts.

I have never eaten at an Olive Garden.

I would like to say that I’ve never had a Mountain Dew, but I got dared to drink one a few years back by a bunch of people who were eye-poppingly incredulous that I’ve never drank one before. I had a few sips then had to get rid of it. I don’t see the attraction.

Someone, somewhere, is going to buy a box of Twinkies today “on principal” even though they haven’t had one in decades.  They’re going to have a Proust moment; suddenly time will stop and they’ll be reminded of sitting next to Timmy Smith at recess while figuring out how to pass Alison Kent a note during homeroom without getting caught.  Cherish that moment. It’s insignificant to other people, but moments like that are instrumental to our mental well-being. 

It is depressing that Hostess is laying off 18,000 employees, especially before Christmas (incidentally, why is it that companies do that, right before the holidays? I’m sure there’s some big fat legal reason and all, but it still sucks).  I hate to see any company that’s been around since Hector was a pup go under.  So I didn’t contribute to keeping that company afloat, but I also didn’t go around telling people not to eat Twinkies and whatnot. Other people have done that.  In this day and age of being aware of what we’re ingesting, people probably stopped buying them. I'm sure there are other contributing reasons for the company's demise.  But suddenly my Twitter and Facebook feeds are full of people moaning and crying about the demise of the Twinkie and vowing to buy every box they can find. Where was that devotion earlier?  A little too late, dont'cha think?

Comments

Sprungatlast said…
The Child once wanted Twinkies, so I got her a box. While she ate it, I read the ingredients to her, out loud. It was the one and only time she ate a Twinkie.

She was very distressed about the demise of donettes, until I told her our local donut chain is still in business.

I won't miss Twinkies. And you're not missing anything at the Olive Garden (but you knew that).
french tart said…
years ago, Caprice went on a 1st date with some dude. he told her to dress up because he was taking her to his favorite restaurant in the world. wouldn't tell her what it was until they got there... and it was the Olive Garden.

dude never got a second date.

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